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The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reaction is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {